Couples therapy is a time and financial commitment. We want you to know what to expect to improve success in couples therapy and improve the likelihood of your goals and needs being met.
Here we talk about the therapist’s role in the couple’s therapy and what to expect from an FIT clinician. In this post, I would like to take the time to identify the top ways you can improve your chances of having a successful couple’s therapy experience.
Goals: It is important that the therapy has a common goal that both partners and the therapist are working towards. Sometimes that goal is to improve the relationship, sometimes the goal is to dissolve the relationship, and sometimes the goal is to make that decision in a thoughtful way. The first session will be for the therapist to understand your current goals, needs, and expectations in the work to come. Coming in with clear thoughts about your goals and needs in couple’s therapy is a great place to start.
Sample goals: Learn tools to improve communication, prepare for upcoming wedding and early marriage stressors, improve connection, address disconnect in desire, process and recover from an affair, address ambivalence in the relationship, manage anger and escalation to reduce conflict, improve parenting dynamic.
Consistency: Particularly in the beginning of couple’s therapy, consistency is key. Our goals are to assess your goals and patterns, provide feedback, and help you experience change. Your consistent attendance will positively impact your long-term experience of couple’s therapy and will lead to success in meeting your goals. We ask that you show up, be honest about your experiences, and be open to feedback.
Accountability: While it is common to have complaints about your partner, a key indicator for the success of couple’s therapy is the ability for each partner to have personal insight and accountability. No one is perfect in a relationship and the ability to take accountability for your own role in the dynamic will shift the couple’s therapy from one of blame/defend to accountability and repair. Come to therapy to learn, not to win. Show up to work on yourself and not change your partner. If both partners are open to feedback and change, success in couple’s therapy is higher.
Feedback: If there’s a particular tool that is helpful to you, something that you do not understand, or feel lost in the process, we ask for your feedback! It is important that you feel open and safe in couple’s therapy to share your experience and needs. A couple’s therapist should always be open to hearing what is working for you and what isn’t. Offering your therapist feedback will help improve success in couples therapy.
Hope: This might be the hardest ask, but the ability to hold hope that couple’s therapy will be helpful, meet your needs, and reach your goals is a significant indicator of successful outcome. Even if you do not necessarily feel hopeful about your relationship, if you can hold hope that couple’s therapy will address your concerns and bring relief, you will show up in a more open place.
At FIT we aim to create a space where you can bring your difficult relationship experiences and feel a sense of hope and safety. The things listed here are the characteristics of couples that are successful in therapy and have been able to make the most of their time in couple’s therapy. Visit our FIT colleague profiles to see who is a good fit for you or feel free to reach out to info@fairfaxintegrativetherapy.com to speak to an intake coordinator.
