It’s hard to believe that we’re already halfway through 2024! Time can pass so quickly as we navigate all of life’s activities and responsibilities. Before we know it, the holiday season will be upon us, and for so many, all the festivities also bring more time with parents.
As you’re reading this, do you find yourself feeling anxious? Overwhelmed? Thinking about plans that you have to organize and all that you are responsible for? Perhaps you’re feeling avoidant—you’re tempted to stop reading to put it off until another day?
Is there a dynamic in your family of origin, a dynamic with your mother specifically, that you find somehow triggering? Do you often feel alone, anxious, dismissed, or misunderstood in the company of your mother? Do you find yourself doing, organizing, fixing when in her company, hyper-aware of her needs and emotions? Do you feel guilty for wanting to distance yourself or set firmer boundaries, or does a sense of obligation become a barrier to the boundaries you want to set? Do you sometimes feel waves of sadness or grief that you don’t have the relationship that you wish you had with your mother? Perhaps you feel guilty for even calling attention to this experience because so many of your needs went met as a child—safe place to live, involvement in activities, family dinners. Yet still these feelings that are so hard to label persist.
We are finally allowing ourselves to call attention to this experience, the subtlety of this benign neglect, the chipping away of your feeling of security and comfort in your relationship with your mom that often leaves you feeling stripped and exhausted, the loss of your sense of self-identity in her presence.
I have been running ongoing process groups where women are able to label and process this experience in the safe company of others who have experienced something similar. These groups have been pivotal in creating the space for group members to finally experience the internal validation that creates the foundation for strengthening their identity, improving boundaries with their mothers (and by extension other members of their extended family), and processing feelings of grief in radically accepting the unhealthy dynamic in their family system.
I am excited to share that I will be running a 12-week closed-ended version of this group for individuals that are looking to strengthen their insight and understanding of their experience while preparing for time with their families over the holiday season. This is a skills-based group beginning in September. Each week will be a unique topic that is connected to the larger themes discussed in this article. Examples of topics include, but are not limited to: attachment theory and attachment trauma, narcissism and the narcissistic family system, emotion regulation, common symptoms in adulthood, codependency versus attunement, the role of guilt, and grief.
Individuals interested in either the ongoing process group or the 12-week skills based group can reach out directly to me, Christina Frank, LMFT at christina@fairfaxintegrativetherapy.com.
